The narrator's relationship with time is very telling of the way she deals with her emotions. She does not live in the present because "A" is not in her present. She can only live in the past and future, constantly looking forward to the next time she'll see him and in her free time reminiscing about past experiences with him. She is distracted from her own life, to the point where she isn't really living anymore but in a constant state of waiting. To live in the present would mean she would have to accept that "A" wasn't really a part of her day to day life. He was there occasionally but only for sex, which she recognized but labeled as "making love" or "passion". She never once says that she loved him. It is important to distinguish between passion and love because they are not necessarily the same thing. In her case, the passion of their relationship was her way of reconnecting with her life. She didn't feel passionately about anything other than A, but by the end she comes to realize that she can live her life without him. That it was just a matter of living through the passion, which was only temporary.
Though the narrator says that she isn't writing about A or about herself, I think her writing was a method of better understanding herself and her situation. This is the point of the personal essay, not simply to tell a story but to gain some insight into yourself. She reflects on her writing at the beginning and is surprised to find that she does not feel the same way anymore. It is through her writing that she is able to get over A and move on with her life.
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